


falling over

by enbitan



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Attempt at Humor, Byun Baekhyun & Do Kyungsoo | D.O Friendship, Byun Baekhyun is a good bro, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Memory Loss, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Byun Baekhyun/Park Chanyeol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-04
Updated: 2018-10-04
Packaged: 2019-07-25 05:29:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16191047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/enbitan/pseuds/enbitan
Summary: Even when Chanyeol doesn't remember the last 5 years of his life, he still manages to love Kyungsoo somehow.





	falling over

**Author's Note:**

> lol okay so this is the first time i posted something on ao3, also the first time i wrote chansoo, and the first time i've ever written such long piece, so excuse me for my unbeta'ed work c:  
> i'm not sure i got all the timeline correctly, and i know nothing about retrograde amnesia or memory loss so please bear with me ;o;

Chanyeol wakes up with a burning throat as he feels an awfully familiar scent that he knows so well, the smell of the hospital. His mouth tastes dry and burn like a desert and he breaths by both his throat and his nose in a weirdest way. He can hear the gasps and whispers from someone around, but it’s somehow really hard to open his eyes, so Chanyeol tries to feel his surroundings by moving his body slightly. The beeping sound is a little too loud, and wires are everywhere, on his chest, through his stomach, around his arms, and he’s sure that there’s at least an IV drip on his left palm. Chanyeol suddenly feels cold, probably because someone has just swung away his blanket off, and Chanyeol can sense the wind slipping through his toes. He realizes that the beeping sound is finally off, and the person starts checking his chest, feeling his wrist and quickly removing some of the wires on Chanyeol’s body. There is someone sobbing now, the sobbing sound is so familiar, but Chanyeol still can’t open his eyes.

“Mr. Park? Can you hear me?” The person asks, as he put his fingers on Chanyeol’s hand. Chanyeol’s trying to answer _yes_ , but not a single vowel can go through his throat. Luckily, the man quickly realizes his struggle, and says as he pokes Chanyeol’s hand with his fingers “Don’t try to say anything, if you understand what I say, just grab my fingers right here. Can you feel my fingers in your hand now?”

_Yes._

Chanyeol tries to hold his fingers, it sounds so easy but he still struggles, it’s like his body doesn’t belong to him anymore. It feels like lifting a 10 tons of rock and metal with one arm, and Chanyeol’s kinda mad at himself because _why can’t he fucking control his body_. Not after a few seconds, he can finally feel his own muscle moving, and he finally touches the other’s fingers in his hand. And then the others releases a small relieving sigh, and the sobbing’s becoming louder. Chanyeol thinks he knows who’s sobbing.

“Okay Mr. Park. I know you’re probably feeling so confused right now, but I’m your doctor and I can assure you that everything is okay.” His doctor, as the person introduces himself, says, “Now I’m going to help you sit up and you can try to open your eyes, okay?” Chanyeol is still confused as hell but he quickly grabs his doctor’s fingers as a yes. There’s still someone sobbing next to him, and Chanyeol just wants to desperately open his fucking eyes.

He then carefully puts his hand behind Chanyeol’s back, slowly moves his body up as someone else starts stuffing something soft that might be pillows or blankets behind his back to support his body. 

“You can’t talk now, because we had put a breathing tube in your throat for a while and have just removed it earlier this morning.” His doctor explains, and Chanyeol startles, because _what the fuck did he do that led to a breathing tube stuffing through his throat?_ The doctor finally removes his hand behind Chanyeol’s back, and Chanyeol lets himself lean on the soft feeling of the pillows. “You can try open your eyes now, Mr. Park. No rush, take your time.” 

And Chanyeol really wants to take his time and slowly open his eyes, but the sobbing is getting louder and Chanyeol’s so frustrated. He gathers all the strength he can get and tries to monitor his eyelids to move up. It’s harder than it should be, but finally Chanyeol can see the light of the bulb at the ceiling that goes straight to his eyes. Blurry and dazzling, however after minutes adjusting his eyes to get use to the sudden light, he can see clearer now. The sobbing sound now turns into a crying sound, and Chanyeol slowly turns his head slightly to the right to meet the owner of the heart-breaking sound.

_Do Kyungsoo._

“Hello Chanyeol.” The small man standing beside him says between tears. Chanyeol feels an urge to move closer and comfort him, but once again, he realizes he can hardly move.

“You have been laying here unconscious for weeks, Mr. Park. It takes time for your body to move around normally.” His doctor pins his body down to the piles of pillow, lets Chanyeol have a minute to adjust to his situation, and then starts looking through his chart at the table near Chanyeol’s bed and checking his tablet to compare the results. “Do you remember what happened?” 

Chanyeol shakes his head lightly. Kyungsoo finally stops crying now, he looks straight at Chanyeol with his concerning eyes.

His doctor then pulls out a pen in his blouse and slips it on Chanyeol’s hand. Then he tears off a piece of paper on his chart, putting it on the bed sheet, right next to Chanyeol’s hand. 

“Can you write the date today? Or the closest day you can recall?”

Chanyeol nods, it’s still hard to move but it’s getting easier than before because his body’s gradually used to the movement of himself, and as Chanyeol’s fingers can hold a pen firmly now, he starts to scribble something on the paper.

_2014_

Chanyeol only writes the year because he can’t recall the day anymore. What month is this? February? But the doctor says he had been laying here for weeks so he’s not quite sure. Chanyeol then slowly looks up, he meets two pairs of worry eyes toward him. 

“Chanyeol-ah.” Kyungsoo exhales softly, so quiet that Chanyeol almost misses it, “It’s 2019.”

 

_What?_

 

“It might be retrograde amnesia, a form of memory disorders.” His doctor quickly says, takes his pen to put back in his blouse. His eyes looks at Chanyeol but his hand starts patting on Kyungsoo shoulder, “It happens sometimes when a patient is unconscious for a long time. In Mr. Park’s case, I can assure that it’s only temporary. There’s nothing to worry about, we just need time for you too adjust.” The doctor is talking to Chanyeol, but Chanyeol feels like he’s trying to comfort Kyungsoo as well.

Kyungsoo nods his head lightly, not sure what to say. And now that Chanyeol gives Kyungsoo a decent look, he kinda realizes Kyungsoo is actually a little bit different. Tanner skin, shorter and darker hair, still small but he probably gains some more weight now. That’s a good thing, because Chanyeol has always thought Kyungsoo was too thin for his ages.

Soon later, the doctor leaves with the nurses after giving Kyungsoo some direction for Chanyeol’s medicine, reminding him that they’ll be back for another checkup this afternoon, and Chanyeol is left alone with Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo is quiet, too quiet and Chanyeol’s kinda glad he can’t say anything because he himself doesn’t know what to say.

“I have just texted your mom and your sister, so they’ll be here soon.” Unexpectedly, Kyungsoo starts the conversation, and to be honest Chanyeol is quite surprised because the Kyungsoo he knew never talks first. “So, you miss 5 years of our life huh?”

 _Our life?_ Chanyeol wonders secretly inside his head as he nods softly at Kyungsoo’s words. Then Kyungsoo tells him about the car accident he had a month ago he barely survived, but somehow he still made it through. Chanyeol just nods through Kyungsoo’s calm voice, it’s the only thing he can do anyway. 

 

His family bursts through the door minutes later, and Chanyeol almost has a heart attack. His mom is already crying, his dad’s eyes are watery, and he hears Yura silently curses at him for letting everyone worry. And before they can shower him with questions, Kyungsoo saves his ass by cutting through:

“He can’t talk yet because he has just got his breathing tube off.” Kyungsoo says, and his family finally calms down, “And also, he only remembers everything from 2014 to before that. The doctor says it was memory disorder.” Chanyeol thinks Kyungsoo’s voice is so sad, too sad, and he realizes the attention of the room is now moving to Kyungsoo. Everyone is looking at the small man, with sympathy and worry, and Chanyeol’s still a confused mess.

“You don’t remember anything in the last 5 years?” Yura asks slowly, and Chanyeol nods. Then she moves her question to Kyungsoo, “So he doesn’t remember-”

“No, he doesn’t.” Kyungsoo quickly replies before Yura can finish her question and his mom stands up from his bed to give Kyungsoo a longest hug as the younger returns the favor. The room suddenly becomes awkwardly quiet.

What is that? Did he forget something important? But then it’s been 5 years so there must be many important things that he misses out, although whatever it is Chanyeol assumes he may have just screwed up big time. Because Chanyeol’s the patient here but right now everyone in his family is trying to comfort Kyungsoo. What did he forget? Chanyeol’s puzzled as hell but everyone in the room seems to avoid his questioning gaze, even Kyungsoo.

Yura later breaks the silence by showing him a picture of _Toben_ , his dog on her phone and Chanyeol’s happy again. He finally has a dog for himself, and even though he doesn’t remember anything, he’s still happy because his dog is adorable! He looks at Yura with exciting eyes, wanting to see more, and Kyungsoo looks at them in the corner with the warmest gaze, and Chanyeol’s heart flutters.

“Oh Kyungsoo-ah, have you told the others yet?” He hears his mom asks Kyungsoo, and Kyungsoo shakes his head lightly.

“I was gonna call them earlier but there might be some problems explaining things with Chanyeol.” 

“Oh darling, Chanyeol’s a big man, he can deal with anything. And I’m sure he’ll be thrill to see his friends again.” His mother smiles and ruffles Kyungsoo’s short hair.

 

So apparently, the explaining problems Kyungsoo was talking about is that EXO is only 9 now. Chanyeol’s not even sure what he should feel about this. How could they manage to lose 3 guys in two years anyway? Did something go wrong in the past? Chanyeol has many thoughts dashing through his head, he wonders if they did something wrong, if he did something wrong, because as far as Chanyeol can recall, he had been a little too playful with those 3 Chinese guys that left. 

“Whatever you’re thinking, Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo manages to see through his mind, “It’s not your fault. It’s not our fault. It’s not anyone’s fault.”

 

Chanyeol doesn’t get to think much until Junmyeon almost breaks the door and bursts in like a crying mess. Actually, they’re all crying messes and Chanyeol may cry a little too. Everyone is so emotional and Chanyeol even lets Sehun, the youngest, scolding at him for being so reckless. Kyungsoo then briefly explains Chanyeol’s condition and they even cry harder. As the room fills with crying sounds and sniffles and hic ups, Chanyeol sees Baekhyun makes his way to sit next to Kyungsoo, he holds Kyungsoo’s hand steadily and looks at Kyungsoo with worry eyes and the other only nods in respond. This again. Chanyeol can’t help feeling missing out already. They’re obviously hiding something from Chanyeol and he’s starting to go crazy. Because the thing is not only his doctor, his family and Baekhyun, but everyone is giving Kyungsoo the same sympathy look, offering him a pat on his shoulder, holding his hand, or pulling him in for a hug, and it drives Chanyeol insane. What is it? What is the thing he forgets that seems to make Kyungsoo miserable?

“Are you going to tell him or anything?” Chanyeol eavesdrops their conversation as he sees Junmyeon approaches Kyungsoo, voice fills with concern. Tell him what?

“Probably not, since the doctor said it’s only temporary.” Kyungsoo replied with a sigh, but his voice is so sad that Chanyeol wants to go straight back into coma. 

“I’m sure he’ll come around, Kyungsoo.” Minseok pulls Kyungsoo in for a hug as Junmyeon messes up Kyungsoo’s hair and Kyungsoo lets them be. Then Jongdae and Jongin come around to comfort Kyungsoo while Sehun is talking about how EXO is basically superstar now. Chanyeol should be happy because of how many daesangs EXO has received and how his Instagram is having millions of followers, but all he can think of is Kyungsoo sad voice and how everyone is giving him the pity look. Apparently he forgets something really important to Kyungsoo, and Chanyeol doesn’t want to be the reason to Kyungsoo’s sadness. So he tries to remember, he really tries. But nothing comes around.

 

In the afternoon, his doctor gets by. He looks at Chanyeol’s charts, checks the IV drip on his hand, and after giving Chanyeol some painkillers to swallow, he says Chanyeol can eat liquid food now, and he doesn’t have to stick in the hospital bed 24/7 anymore. His doctor even says can talk now, but it might hurt at first. Chanyeol immediately tries out,

“H-hell-o.” His voice is hoarse and raw, but at least he can talk on his own now, and at least right now Kyungsoo is smiling, his lips curve into a small heart that makes Chanyeol’s heart melts.

“W-when will I g-get my memories back?” Chanyeol then turns to his doctor, his voice stutters a bit. 

“Ah, that’s the tough part.” The doctor pushes his glasses up, lets out a sigh. He sits down at Chanyeol’s bed as he explains that this retrograde amnesia, memory disorder thing is temporary, but no one sure when will the patient get back to his old mind. It takes time, probably a long time, and even requires luck, to get the memories back. There are many people that can finally remember, but there are also a few people suffer this condition have to live their live with a piece of memories gone forever.

“Maybe days, months, even years, or maybe the memories will never come back.” His doctor’s calm voice echoes in the room, and Chanyeol shudders at the word _never_. He quietly notices how Kyungsoo’s shoulders narrow at the doctor’s words, manages to make himself even smaller, as if he’s taking the whole world on his shoulders. Kyungsoo’s smile slowly dies on his lips, and Chanyeol immediately regrets asking the question.

“Is t-there a-anything I need to k-know about?” Chanyeol asks Kyungsoo when his doctor finally leaves.

“No. Nothing really.” But Kyungsoo doesn’t look at Chanyeol in the eyes. And that’s how Chanyeol knows his best friend is lying.

 

Chanyeol has to stay in the hospital for a few more day to make sure he’s not collapsed on his own, and he tries to ignore the fact that Kyungsoo is with him all the time. His family comes often and his friends passes by now and then, but Kyungsoo never leaves the hospital room. Kyungsoo stays the night, helps him to go to the bathroom, listens to the doctor’s directions, reminds him to take the pills, helps him to walk through the hospital aisle, asks the nurse for extra blankets when he feels cold, brings him food, and even feeds him when his arms are full of IV drip marks. Kyungsoo is so nice with him and Kyungsoo cares for him a lot. It’s like he basically lives in the hospital with Chanyeol. And Chanyeol’s grateful, he really is. Still he wonders why. In the end, Kyungsoo is just a friend. Probably Chanyeol’s closest friend in the whole universe, but still, just a friend. 

“Because you guys live together now, that’s why he has to take care for your ass, you moron.” Sehun clicks his forehead, on a Sunday morning as he gives Chanyeol a quick visit.

“We do? He never tells me though?” Chanyeol is surprised, because although Kyungsoo and Chanyeol himself had been roommates for years, but living on their own in an apartment is something new. Despite his surprise, Chanyeol still can imagine living together with Kyungsoo though, since Kyungsoo is tidy and patient and organized and he knows how to cook. And he is also Chanyeol’s best friend, so it kinda makes sense that they live together now.

“There’re many things he didn’t tell you.” Sehun snorts, but then his voice softens, “Please, just get your memories back, Chanyeol. I don’t like seeing a sad Kyungsoo anymore.” 

“Will it just easier if you just tell me what do I need to remember?” Chanyeol kinda snaps, because he doesn’t like seeing sad a Kyungsoo too, and god damn he wants to get back his memories so bad, but no one seems to help him.

“It’s not that simple, hyung.” Sehun bites his lips, obviously he’s avoiding Chanyeol’s eyes now, “You know Kyungsoo-hyung, he sometimes gets insecure and-” But then he stops immediately, looks like he has realized he was about to slip off something important.

“What? Why does Kyungsoo get insecure? Insecure about what?” Chanyeol asks, impatiently.

“Hyung, I really can’t help you with this. Just get better and figure things out yourself.” Sehun sighs, and Chanyeol knows there’s nothing else he can do to make the youngest spit it out. 

 

Chanyeol has tried to ask the others as well, but Jongdae just awkwardly scratches his head, and Minseok doesn’t even look at him straight in the eyes, and Baekhyun just casually ignores his god damn question. He gets nothing from his sister, too. They obviously intend to make Chanyeol feel like shit. 

“I know you feel frustrate, Chanyeol.” Junmyeon holds his hand, “But just think about Kyungsoo. He has been patient with you ever since you were unconscious. That time was so painful, we thought we might have lost you because you seemed like you would never wake up again and everyone almost gave up. But Kyungsoo was literally the only one that actually pushed himself up to take care of you when we all broke down. So it’s kinda fair for you to return the favor, right?” 

Chanyeol then shuts up, thinking of how Kyungsoo had been taking care of him for weeks, and his boiling temper softens. He hates that Junmyeon’s always right.

A few minutes later, Kyungsoo returns to the hospital room at noon as be brings along the food. He gives a nod to Junmyeon as a greeting and starts removing his jacket.

“Where have you been?” Chanyeol asks.

“You know, to feed the dogs and all.” 

“Sehun told me we live together now.” Chanyeol says, and he can see the way Kyungsoo’s body immediately freezes, “So you’re taking care of my dog now?” 

“Yeah, mine too.” Then Kyungsoo lets out a small sigh quietly and his shoulders finally relax, as he turns to Chanyeol and shrugs.

“You have a dog too?”

“Actually he has two dogs.” Junmyeon beams in and Chanyeol raises his hand up to cover his gasping mouth, “I have pictures, wait a minute.” As Junmyeon pulls out his phone, Chanyeol learns that basically everyone, except for Jongdae, is having all kinds of pets now. Junmyeon is scrolling through the pictures in his phone, and Chanyeol can only awe in excitement because fluffy animals have always been his soft spot. Chanyeol snorts at Kyungsoo, considering although his two poodles are both deathly adorable, _Meokmul_ and _Huchu_ sound so silly. Who even names their pets _Ink_ and _Pepper_ anyway?

“ _Toben_ sounds dumb, too.” 

“Hey!”

“Well at least you guys didn’t have a _Vivi_.” Junmyeon rolls his eyes in between and they can only agree.

 

It’s not like everyone is hiding everything from him. Chanyeol still has Kyungsoo telling him everything that has been going on with the world. Like how Park Geun-hye issue happened and Donald Trump won the election with other stuff. He also mentions that Civil War and Infinity War had been released, but neither Cap nor Iron Man died, and Spider Man is basically Tony Stark’s son now. Chanyeol’s surprised at about how he has managed to forget all of the craziest things ever, and mentally notes that he needs to watch all of the Marvel movies that he has missed out. Kyungsoo also tells him about his life in the last 5 years, and it turns out that SM staffs has managed to keep his accident a secret to calm the fans, so they told the public that Chanyeol was taking a break on a vacation with his family to explain his absence. As Kyungsoo showing him EXO’s albums and songs that he has missed out, Chanyeol curses at himself because he knows there will be a hell of practicing time when he finally gets home. All the dancing moves he’s not familiar with and the lyrics he has never heard of. It makes Chanyeol uneasy and he feels like he’s a burden for the whole group.

“It’s alright. I’ll help you through.” Kyungsoo voice is soft as he placing his hands on Chanyeol’s shoulders and instantly all of Chanyeol’s worries vanish right away, “But first you need to get better.”

But there’s something missing. Something important. And he just can’t remember what it is.

 

Three more days pass by and Chanyeol’s more than ready to be discharged. Even though his memory is still stuck at 2014, at least his body somehow recovers so fast that make his doctor quite surprise. Chanyeol has asked for his phone but when Kyungsoo gives him the phone, he curses himself because the screen is locked and he just can’t remember the passcode. He tries his birthday, his debut day, his mother’s birthday, literally everything but none of them work. So he is basically trapped in these 4 boring walls without any entertainment. For a perky and outgoing person like Chanyeol, staying in the hospital is getting more and more uncomfortable. He misses the outdoor air and the sight of people and he also wants to meet his dog, and also Kyungsoo’s dogs. It feels suffocating inside the hospital room, and just when he couldn’t take it anymore, his doctor signs him a paper to send him home.

So now Chanyeol’s busy putting on his normal clothes and packing his stuff, as Kyungsoo standing at the door of the hospital room, listening to his doctor’s direction about the pills that Chanyeol needs to take daily and his monthly check-ups in the future. 

“Ready to go home?” Kyungsoo says when his doctor finally finishes and leaves the room, Kyungsoo is now holding a bag that seems even bigger than his body with a small smile on his face.

“Yeah, let’s go.” Chanyeol nods in excitement.

 

When they’re sitting at the back row of the taxi, Kyungsoo suddenly asks if Chanyeol needs a new phone, because his phone is basically useless now that he can’t unlock the screen. Chanyeol holds his phone inside his pocket a little too tight, and replies with a small shake:

“Nah, I have a feeling that I’ll remember the passcode.” Chanyeol breaths in, ignores the insecure feeling creeping through his stomach, “I’m sure I will.”

In the end, Kyungsoo still stops the car to grab a new phone for Chanyeol. He still needs phone to contact to other people and Chanyeol can only silently agrees. He takes the new phone when Kyungsoo finishes saving some important contacts into it, as his left hand still inside his pocket, grabbing even a little tighter onto the old Samsung phone of his.

When Kyungsoo and Chanyeol reach their apartment, they’re greeted by 3 fluffy balls of fur and Chanyeol couldn’t be happier. Toben is such a big boy and Huchu and Meokmul are just straight up adorable. Chanyeol literally drops his knees at the floor of the apartment’s door to hold their 3 dogs, cooing and petting them and refusing to let go, until Kyungsoo decides to shoosh them all inside. The apartment doesn’t ring any bell to his head, nothing seems familiar but there’s a cozy feeling and Chanyeol thinks he doesn’t mind living here at all. He looks around, touching all of the furniture with his hands, feeling a warm scent in his heart. This is his home now.

But there’s something strange happening. Because Chanyeol can notice how Kyungsoo’s stuffs are always in his room somehow. His ear pods, his charger, his books, his glasses, etc. Chanyeol can see many kinds of little things belong to Kyungsoo that manage to appear in his room. It’s really strange, but Chanyeol doesn’t really give it much thoughts, as he knows he and Kyungsoo have always been the closest friends. Also, he finds a ring under his pillow one night, a simple ring with a rather odd pattern carving through in the middle. Chanyeol can’t remember what it is and why did he hide it under his pillow, but as Chanyeol slips it on, the ring fits perfectly in his fourth finger, and he feels like this ring is the answer to all the missing puzzles of his missing head, so he decides to toss the ring along with his old phone inside his drawer next to his bed, reminds himself to ask Kyungsoo about this someday and finally he lets himself fall asleep on his own bed. 

 

Though, the ring is soon forgotten, now that Chanyeol’s drowning into practice section. He thought practice days would be hard, because not only he had to learn new songs and new choreographies, he also has to readapt to the old songs due to the changes in the number of people in the team. But it actually doesn’t as hard as he expected. After another week staying home listening to their albums and watching their performances on stage through Youtube, Chanyeol finally decides it’s time to go outside to practice with the others. And somehow, although Chanyeol has never been perfect at dancing, his body still automatically reacts fast to the melodies and beats and movements as he watches the others, even though he’s still unfamiliar with everything. It’s like he still has everything inside his head, and he thinks this is the first step to recover his memory. Surprisingly, it turns out that Chanyeol even has a duet with Sehun now, and the kid always offers to stay up longer with Chanyeol during practice too help out. Jongin and Jongdae usually come around, bringing snacks and soft drinks before joining him with dance practice in the morning, while Junmyeon and Minseok casually just drop by later to _cheer him up_ , as they say. Kyungsoo, on the other hand, still never leaves his side like he always does. Chanyeol has been told that Yixing’s having a solo Chinese-American album oversea so it makes sense that Chanyeol hasn’t been seeing the guy recently. But what bugs him the most is, ever since Chanyeol got discharged, Baekhyun hasn’t shown up anymore, and Chanyeol starts to think that the missing one is obviously avoiding him on purpose. 

Chanyeol’s mind may have been fuzzy and unclear, but there is one thing Chanyeol knows he’s not wrong. That there is definitely something going on between himself and Baekhyun. Chanyeol is certain that they started dating in the middle of 2013, and they were so in love that they literally glued to each other all the time. Baekhyun was his sweetheart, and there was always sparkle in Baehyun’s eyes when he looked at him, but now Chanyeol barely sees Baekhyun anymore, and the other even seems to avoid being alone with Chanyeol. And to think about it, Chanyeol suddenly questions himself the reason why it is Kyungsoo that lives together with him. Sure, they’re best friends and all, but if Chanyeol in the past had to choose, he’d probably ask Baekhyun to move in with him. Something must have happened during the last 5 years, because right now Baekhyun is so distant, so far away and Chanyeol wonders if they had broken up yet. He wants to confront Baekhyun, and the same time he wants to give himself some space to figure things out his own. However, it’s really hard to keep things puzzled when it comes to Baekhyun.

 

So, when Byun Baekhyun comes to his apartment at 9.00 pm when Kyungsoo has just left to get some dog food, Chanyeol realizes he can’t really control himself.

“Oh hello Chanyeol.” Baekhyun is standing in front of him, pointing at his phone and smiling brightly, “Is Kyungsoo home? I asked him to do my screen protector and he said I can come today.”

“No, he has just headed out literally 5 seconds ago.” Chanyeol shifts himself aside so Baekhyun can step in, but the other doesn’t move an inch, “Um, come in?” He can see how Baekhyun eyes widen as he looks at him, his body freezes and he looks terrified and alerted, unsure of what to do. 

“No I think I should be going. I’ll get him back later.” Yeah, Baekhyun’s definitely avoiding him.

And before Chanyeol can get a grip of what he’s doing, he sees himself grabbing Baekhyun’s wrist, maybe a little too hard because he can hear the other wincing. Still Chanyeol’s not letting go, even if Baekhyun struggles to escape. But just when Chanyeol leans closer, he feels a push on his chest, hard and strong, from Baekhyun. 

“ _Chanyeol_.” Baekhyun hisses, after minutes of struggling to find words to say, and Chanyeol startles. He doubts that he hurts the smaller man physically, but the way Baekhyun’s face scrunching up is showing that’s not in the mood at all.

“I’m sorry, Baekhyun. I just thought-” Chanyeol mumbles his apologize, takes a step back while removing his hand off the other, but Baekhyun cuts through,

“Everything is different now.” Baekhyun speaks up, determined, loud and clear, and he looks at Chanyeol with his understanding eyes but Chanyeol is still so lost. There’s no sparkle in Baekhyun eyes anymore even though they’re seeing eyes to eyes. _So they have broken up._ Chanyeol quietly holds down a long disappointing sigh, as the other continues, “Believe me, we both don’t want this.” And then Baekhyun quickly dashes through the door, leaving Chanyeol alone with his fucked up mind.

It’s not as devastated as he thinks it should be, to be rejected by Baekhyun. But the bitter feeling is still there. He closes the doors, feels like a fucking idiot. Chanyeol then lets his body falling down the couch and wonders why. What he and Baekhyun has, or _had_ , is certainly very real. Chanyeol can’t figure out any reasons for the breaking up thing, because he and Baekhyun had always fitted perfectly for each other, their perky personalities and habits never seemed to mismatch. As far as Chanyeol recalls, they were so happy then and they also rarely fought, so what could go wrong? 

Chanyeol’s drowned in his own mind, then decides to pull his phone out of his jeans. His fingers tap furiously on the Naver searching bar, and just less than a second after he enters the word _Baekhyun_ , the name _Kim Taeyeon_ appears right at the top.

_Oh._

So that’s why they’re drifting off. 

Kyungsoo returns moments later when Chanyeol’s still lying on the couch, holding his phone to his face. Chanyeol stands up to take the groceries from Kyungsoo’s hand, and they both make way to the kitchen counter.

“Baekhyun has just passed by, he asked you to do his screen protector.” Chanyeol carefully observes Kyungsoo’s expression.

“Oh yeah.” Kyungsoo snaps his finger, “I guess I’ll catch him tomorrow then.”

“So Baekhyun has been seeing someone else, huh?” Chanyeol asks, his voice’s uncertain. Kyungsoo stops arranging cans of dog food into the cabinet, refuses to look at him in the eyes. He tenses up for a second before nodding as an answer, still avoid eye contact.

“Do you know why we umm,... broke up?” Just when the taller finishes his word, Kyungsoo’s shoulders once again stiffen. But Chanyeol decides not to give up this conversation now. He remembers that Kyungsoo knew about him and Baekhyun back then, so he had to know the reason why they were splitting up. Chanyeol is towering over Kyungsoo, trying to blocks the smaller from getting away, patiently waiting for his respond.

"I see that he dated Taeyeon back then, but they already broke up, right?" Chanyeol takes a step closer, trying to analyze Kyungsoo's expression, but the other keeps on looking at cans of dog food like they're the most interesting thing in the room right now.

"Yes."

"Then why-" The taller losts his words for a moment, and Kyungsoo's still avoiding his gaze, but he quickly catches up, "Why aren't we together again?"

“I don’t think I should be the one telling you this.” After moments of silence, Kyungsoo then utters quietly, his voice sounds hurt. He shrinks himself below Chanyeol’s tall figure, and Chanyeol notices how his body is shaking lightly and he still doesn’t meet Chanyeol’s eyes. So Chanyeol gives up, because it hurts to see Kyungsoo like this, scared, worry, and powerless. He wants to see Kyungsoo smiles, like when Chanyeol can neatly finishes his dancing parts at practice, or when Chanyeol not messing up the lyrics, or when they enjoy meals together after practice section. His smile, for some reason, can always warm up Chanyeol’s chest, but right now, his lips are quivering and he seems so hurt. Chanyeol doesn’t want to hurt Kyungsoo, he really does, except that he’s also hurt, because nothing can compare to the feeling that the whole world is keeping secrets from him. 

“Why are you keeping things from me?” Chanyeol asks, and knowing he won’t get any answers, he closes his eyes, exhales painfully, and then he gently moves aside, making his way to his own room, leaving Kyungsoo shuddering alone in the kitchen.

 

The few next days is quite awkward, because they kinda stop talking to each other unless there’s something really necessary. Chanyeol’s still mad at the other for not telling him the truth, and Kyungsoo sometimes glances at him considerately, but he still doesn’t talk. However, they sort of making up in a Saturday evening, when they finish practice section and head home for dinner. It’s just like any simple evening when Kyungsoo returns home after getting some groceries from downtown to cook. It’s a routine now, although they’re kinda mad at each other, Kyungsoo still cooks and Chanyeol will wash the dishes when they’re both home. Kyungsoo’s making spaghetti today. When he’s chopping tomatoes, Chanyeols hears a small whimpers, and when he looks up, he notices that the other has just accidentally cut himself in the finger.

“Careful, _Soo_.”Chanyeol blurts out and he don’t even know why the word _Soo_ just naturally slipped through his teeth. Chanyeol ignores the familiar feeling clicks in tongue as he sees Kyungsoo immediately freezes at his spot, staring at him with widening eyes. So Chanyeol quickly apologizes, “I’m sorry I don’t even know what that was. It just blurts out from my throat.”

“It’s okay Chanyeol. You did call me _Soo_.” 

Then Kyungsoo smiles, and Chanyeol think he’s going crazy because Kyungsoo’s voice is quite shaky and unsteady. Kyungsoo looks … overwhelmed? But he also looks happier than ever, maybe he’s just happy for Chanyeol for making progress to remember things, then Chanyeol notices how his pretty eyes are glowing and his face is so endearing that Chanyeol doesn’t even care if they’re fighting anymore, he doesn’t even care what happened between himself and Baekhyun anymore, because he just wants to hug the hell out of Kyungsoo. So Chanyeol follows his instinct, he walks up to the table in the kitchen faster than ever, strongly grabs Kyungsoo’s messed up hand (which is full of tomato juice and a mix of blood) and pulls the smaller in his embrace. Chanyeol expects to be brushed off, but to his surprise, Kyungsoo doesn’t push him away. He stays steadily inside Chanyeol’s arms and Chanyeol mentally notes to himself of how this painfully familiar feeling lingers in his heart when he touches Kyungsoo.

 

So their life goes on, and the practice section is getting harder and harder, because Chanyeol realizes he can only sing and dance along if the songs are separated. He needs break in between to acknowledge what song is playing, but they obviously can’t do that on concerts. He constantly mixes up _Call Me Baby_ with _Love Me Right_ , and he knows everyone is getting impatient with him as well. It’s driving Chanyeol insane on how he always gets fluttered and confused when he finishes a song then the next song comes on and he doesn’t know what to do. And not everyone has the time for him, as Junmyeon has his own musical to be taken care of, and CBX also has to do fanmeetings and fansigns now and then, and Jongin with Sehun both are taking part in two different TV dramas now. Well, at least Chanyeol’s not alone, because Kyungsoo is always there. Although Kyungsoo doesn’t tell him, Chanyeol knows he also has his own movie upcoming, but Kyungsoo never once leaves Chanyeol on his own. 

Even if there are only two of them in the practice room now, even if Chanyeol’s already grumpy and sulky because he’s tired, even if right now at this exact moment, Chanyeol just wants to give up, he realizes Kyungsoo’s never hesitate to choose to stay. He’s so patient with Chanyeol, he’s so kind and gentle, he knows Chanyeol’s limit, he notices when Chanyeol needs a break, he’s always there when Chanyeol needs, and Chanyeol can hear his own heart painfully twisting every time Kyungsoo is near. 

“I’m here, Chanyeol. I’m here.” Kyungsoo sits next to him, patting Chanyeol’s shoulders, firmly grabbing Chanyeol’s sweaty hands with his own, his forehead is coated with a thin layer of sweat, and Chanyeol just knows how much Kyungsoo hates sweating. But he’s still here, lying his back on the floor with Chanyeol, breathing heavily along with Chanyeol, offering Chanyeol’s comforting gazes and smiles without any complaints or whimpers. It’s like Kyungsoo actually wants to be with him and Chanyeol can’t figure out why.

“You can do it.” Kyungsoo’s genuine warm smiles and soft voice showering Chanyeol when he’s tired, lightening his gloomy mood, giving him energy to get through practice time. The taller then realizes it’s getting really hard for him to look straight at Kyungsoo now. Because when Chanyeol looks at his eyes, he thinks how wonderful it would be if those eyes only look at him, when Chanyeol looks at his parting lips, he seriously thinks that those heart lips are so damn kissable. Chanyeol swears to God he is trying to control himself so much right now, or else he’d be jumping into Kyungsoo to crash those lips with his own. Chanyeol feels like he might have gone crazy, because how could he think of his best friend like that? His heart is pounding stronger and faster, and he forces himself to look away from Kyungsoo, blaming the tiring practice section for the yearning feeling that lingers inside his chest for his best friend.

It’s obvious that Chanyeol’s falling for Kyungsoo, and he really tries his hardest to calm his pounding heart when he sees Kyungsoo. He has never felt like this before, he never felt the same even when he was with Baekhyun, but somehow this breath-taking feeling he has with Kyungsoo is so familiar, it’s like deja-vu without any actual graphic memory for him to remember, and Chanyeol’s still clueless as hell.

 

It’s another normal Sunday evening when Kyungsoo is taking out the trash, and Chanyeol stays at the apartment to prep their ingredients for dinner. He’s waiting for Kyungsoo to get home and prepare meal like their usual routine, but then Chanyeol recall how it’s been a while since he last cooked, and how he misses cooking, so he decides to give Kyungsoo a call, saying that he’s cooking tonight.

So he reaches inside his pocket to get his phone to dial Kyungsoo’s number, only to hear a ringing sound coming from Kyungsoo’s bedroom. The other must have forgotten his phone. Chanyeol disconnects his call but after a few moments, Kyungsoo’s phone is ringing again. Chanyeol should just ignore his call and patiently wait for Kyungsoo to comeback, but he’s glad he chooses to do otherwise. There’s something inside his head urging him to open the door of Kyungsoo’s bedroom, so Chanyeol let his feet follow the way to the bed room next to his, his hands start sweating and his heart starts beating, for no reason at all.

The next thing he knows is he sees himself opening the door of Kyungsoo’s bedroom, taking a few steps at his bed for Kyungsoo’s phone. Kyungsoo’s room is tidy like he’s expected, and when he’s about to reach out further to take the other’s phone in his hand, the ringing is eventually off. Chanyeol then feels his own phone ringing inside his pocket, it’s Junmyeon number and it turns out that he leader just wants to make sure Kyungsoo and Chanyeol know he’s coming over tomorrow forpractic, so Chanyeol quickly replies to Junmyeon that he’ll let Kyungsoo know when he’s back. And the moment Junmyeon hangs up as Chanyeol’s about to leave Kyungsoo’s room, his eyes dart up to the bookshelf near Kyungsoo’s bed, he notices a recognizable ring that stays at the second shelf. The ring sparkles in the room, catching Chanyeol’s attention, and all of the sudden he feels like something is squeezing his lungs because he just can’t breathe. 

That ring.

It looks exactly like the one Chanyeol found under his pillow days ago.

_It can’t be._

Chanyeol leans up to grab the ring and urgently scrambles to his room, hastily opens his drawer to pick up a same similar ring inside. No doubts, they’re exactly the same, his ring and Kyungsoo’s, luster with silver and matching patterns carving in the middle, and while Chanyeol’s heart is still pounding violently inside his chest, his mind instantly echoes a familiar voice:

_“I only say this one time, so you’d better not forget it. I really love you, Chanyeol.”_

The voice in his head is the voice that he hears every day, the voice that wakes him up every morning, the voice that always comforts him in every practice section, the voice he can’t confused with. It was Kyungsoo’s voice when he recorded the sentences to put it inside the ring. 

These are the sound wave rings, _their_ matching sound wave rings! 

_“I really really love you Soo, even if you go bald, I’d still love you.”_

It’s his voice that echoing now, and Chanyeol’s overwhelmed in his own emotion. Memories of him and Kyungsoo unexpectedly crowded inside his mind, like the time Chanyeol finally confessed to Kyungsoo, or when he asked Kyungsoo to move in his apartment and Kyungsoo said yes, or after Chanyeol’s birthday party when they first kissed, or the day Chanyeol stubbornly dragged Kyungsoo outside to make get their rings, it’s like right now his mind only has Kyungsoo and Kyungsoo only. 

Everything clicks. Chanyeol’s head is hurt because of all the memory fluctuations, but he remembers everything now. He finds it really hard to breathe as his mind continued to filled with Kyungsoo’s smiles, Kyungsoo’s lips, Kyungsoo’s warm gazes, Kyungsoo’s breath, Kyungsoo’s scent, Kyungsoo’s everything. 

His Kyungsoo.

_“You know Kyungsoo-hyung, he sometimes gets insecure…”_

Sehun’s voice replays inside his head. And now every details just match. His mind travels back to when he holding Kyungsoo to sleep, wiping away the younger’s tears, assuring that he only and would always love Kyungsoo. His Kyungsoo has always been so insecure, and Chanyeol losing memory of 5 years in their life only makes Kyungsoo more uncertain about himself.

Chanyeol returns to Kyungsoo’s room, wandering his eyes around to look at those picture of themselves on Kyungsoo’s bookshelf. All of their memory has been hiding here by Kyungsoo, because Chanyeol knows many of these pictures are actually belongs to his room. Kyungsoo must have hidden all of them here when Chanyeol first came home from the hospital. He sits down on Kyungsoo’s bed, letting his body giving up its strength to recollects all of his memories in the past 5 years with Kyungsoo.

“C-chanyeol? What are you doing in my room?” Then the door of Kyungsoo’s room cracks opened seconds later, showing a really confused Kyungsoo standing with his eyes widen. Chanyeol’s heart feels like it’s busting out from his chest, pounding aggressively as he sees the small figure of the other. And instead of answering the other’s question, Chanyeol stands up, takes a few steps closer, his hand still holding their rings firmly.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Chanyeol looks at the smaller man standing at the door, and Chanyeol’s quite sure he’s crying now because his voice is kinda crack, and vision suddenly becomes so blurry. Kyungsoo’s still standing at the door step with confusing eyes, but when Chanyeol holds up a pair of those sound wave rings in the air, a small gasp escapes from his mouth, and he starts choking up as well.

“Y-you remember?” Kyungsoo’s sobbing and shaking now and Chanyeol thinks he can’t take it anymore. He rushes closer and roughly pull the man in front of him into his arms, afraid of letting go. 

“You’re such an idiot.” Chanyeol whispers in Kyungsoo’s ears, and Kyungsoo bursts out with tears.

As he holds a shaking man in his arms, Chanyeol feels his heart swelling with happiness. Memories starts to fill his own head again, and he recalls how Kyungsoo always held his hands behind the stage, how Kyungsoo laughed at his jokes even though they were so lame, how Kyungsoo wore his t-shirt to sleep even though they were too big for his tiny body, how Kyungsoo lips crashed together with Chanyeol’s when they made love, how the the first thing he saw after waking up in the morning is Kyungsoo’s sleeping face, how Kyungsoo’s soft gazes when he looked at him that could always take his breath away. It has always been Kyungsoo, and Chanyeol feels like he has been head over heels for Kyungsoo all over again. Chanyeol also remembers how Kyungsoo had always been so insecure about himself, how he always thought he wasn’t worth of Chanyeol’s love, how Chanyeol had to remind him every day that he loved him, and how he was so stupid to constantly asked Kyungsoo about what happened between him and Baekhyun just a few days ago. Chanyeol curses at himself for not realizing it sooner while all these memories rushing up inside his skull, and in between he even recalls that one time when Kyungsoo unexpectedly shaved off his head but still managed to look like the cutest egg alive, and he remembers how Kyungsoo was sobbing along with him in the cinema when Peter Parker dramatically turned into dust at the end of Infinity War, but let’s just not talk about that now, because Kyungsoo’s here, crying on his chest as his heart’s beating like crazy. This is it, Chanyeol lets out a relieving sigh, this is what he has been missing out, to hold Kyungsoo in his arms, to smell the scent of his shampoo, to feel his body fits perfectly to his own is what Chanyeol’s always been looking for. Kyungsoo’s still crying, and Chanyeol quietly whispers into his ears, that _he’s sorry he has been so stupid all along_ , that _it’s alright now_ , that _he’s back_ , that _Kyungsoo doesn’t have to be sad anymore_.

“I love you, Soo.” Chanyeol murmurs, his chin now resting on Kyungsoo’s head, voice still cracking, “Even when my memories were missing, I still managed to love you. And now that I remember everything, you really need to know that I’ll always love you. You’re such an insecure idiot, but I will always love you.” 

Kyungsoo cries even louder, wiping his own tears into Chanyeol’s hoodie, but at the same time he’s giving a small nod onto Chanyeol’s chest before mumbling _I love you too_ as a respond. And Chanyeol is also crying, then he bends down, takes Kyungsoo’s chin in his hand, as the smaller tips his toes and leans in so their lips brush together. The kiss is so gentle and Chanyeol can taste the saltiness in his mouth because of their tears, but it feels so right and he really can’t ask for more. In the end, Chanyeol thinks they will be fine now, as his long arms unintentionally squeeze the smaller in a little harder. As long as they have each other again, they will definitely be fine.

-

_Chanyeol is standing alone in his room, pulling out his drawer. Then he takes his old phone in his hand, pressing on the power button as the screen instantly lights up. He waits a bit for the phone to function, and immediately swipes his right thumb to open the locked screen. He then quickly types 4 numbers on his phone he knows so well, his lips curve up into a big smile:_

**6112**

_And the phone swipes opened, revealing a picture of himself with Kyungsoo together at the screen, both of them are grinning from ear to ear. So Chanyeol just smiles at the picture, and casually shoves his old phone inside his pocket, heading out of the room, humming happily._

**Author's Note:**

> god it's unbeta'ed so i literally find mistakes everytime i look back  
> sorry yall /__\


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